The Long Goodbye in Pictures

The Long Goodbye

Everyday I am reminded about how great my friends truly are and today is a day I wish they were around.

Its been a while since I posted anything and quite a bit has happened. I’ve graduated, said good bye to friends, moved back to Eastern Oregon, started a job, a little bit of male drama (some good some bad).  Instead of forcing you to read a really long post of all of those things I will write a series of posts. 

First–Graduating.

Finally! But of course this experience was more than bitter-sweet. I knew with my accomplishment came something I was dreading–saying goodbye to those who had impacted my life and changed me from the girl I was four years ago. While the group that made that happened changed along the way those who remained in the end mean more to me than they will ever know.

I can’t believe that the chapter at Pacific is over. As I walked across campus to turn in my keys and officially end my time there I couldn’t help but see the ghost of my last for years there. Pacific will always hold a dear place in my heart. The people who changed my life, the lessons I learned, the person I became–it all happened there. 

I spent about an extra week and half in the grove just to soak up more time with the Besties as possible. It ended up costing a lot of money but it was totally worth it.

It was difficult saying goodbye to people slowly. Kind of like taking off a band-aid. But I’ve never been able to just rip it off. I just slowly ease my way through it taking breaks to breathe and relax in between. That’s just how this long goodbye happened. 

There were tons of years and to cope I went shopping. Its a great therapy. Now every time I wear those sunglasses, shoes, dresses, shirt, tights, etc I will think of that person. 

The first person I said “see you later” to was Amber. I’ve known her since freshman year. It was harder than I thought it would be but I’m glad we ended it with a great last girls night full of drinks, dancing, and singing. I love looking at those pictures. Sometimes they make me laugh, most of the time I get teary eyed. But I always feel blessed and full of joy because those girls are mine forever and I feel like the luckiest person in the world. 

After all, seasons change, so do cities; people come into your life and people go.But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away. (Carrie Bradshaw “Sex and the City”)

I know that those who I stayed to spend those last ten days with will always be there. They will be only a plane ride away and I will constantly try to build Indiana up so that they are tempted to come see all its greatness! 

Love you all! Thanks for being you and loving me too!

I Did It!

 

I survived!

Fearless

…okay not so much.

But I am taking some pretty big risks. 

The biggest one will be with me for the rest of my life. I’m excited but oh so nervous. 

There are some things that frighten you that you are just forced to do. You do them because you have to. Because its part of growing up. Because its part of school, work, or whatever other thing you are responsible for. Those are things that stretch you and cause you to grow whether you want to or not. 

Then there is the self inflicting type of pain or scare. Sometimes those are bad and masochistic but sometimes that self inflicted pain also caused growth. You force yourself to experience something outside of your comfort zone. You push yourself the extra mile. You go out of your way and discover something you didn’t know before.

Now that might be giving too much credit to getting a tattoo. But I am scared. I know its going to hurt but I’m doing it anyway…at least that is the plan come Saturday.

Romans 5:3-4 Tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint

The Last Stretch

I’m so close to the end. Close. Meaning I can’t be done yet. But all I want to do is enjoy my last few weeks here. The last few moments with the people who have influenced my life.

I have my final thesis draft due in a about a week. Two other research papers to write. A small 4 page paper, and another research paper that is still haunting me. The solution–naps

or blog?

I am running short on caffeine. My bank account is empty, my DB is running out, and all i have is gross coffee beans that I force down my throat when I’m desparate. 

Indiana has made my life less stressful. No deposit, no need to register for classes yet, no need to look for housing, no need to pay for school. That part has been easy.

Things still aren’t perfect and in reality they never will be. Luckily, I have the best group of people around me.  

Your journey has molded you for your greater good. And it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think that you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is the right time

Right now, is the best time of my life. It has definitely not been the easiest, but I am finally me. I am comfortable in my skin.

Psyche!

Not going to BC. Instead Indiana University-Bloomington will be my home.

Half Full

How can it be that the most stressful, busy, emotional, frustrating, scary, and overwhelming time of my life (so far) is also the time in my life where I am the happiest?

I am seriously burnt out. 

I am struggling to stay on top of things and have seen my work slipping. 

I can’t seem to remember things. I am pretty sure that is because of the lack of sleep I have been getting. Apparently, these last three and half years of staying up late to finish everything is not longer working. But there seriously isn’t enough time in the day to do it all.

I just have to thank God for putting the people in my life that are around right now. They are exactly what I need to keep me going. 

Even though life isn’t easy right now it is good. 

This is the first year in college that i have been without a significant other and yet I feel more loved, receive more affection, and value my relationship more than I have ever experienced. 

I am happy with who I am and more thankful than I could ever express for my family and friends. 

This next month is not going to be easy by any means. I do not expect to get any more sleep except for the random days where I do get to sleep in. 

I have cried more in these past few weeks than I have in a while. Those tears have been from feeling overwhelmed and stressed, and yes i do expect to shed some more of those tears until the end of May. 

Then those tears will be sad tears because it will be a good bye to some of the people who have played a significant role  in me getting to where I am today–both as a student and a human being.

Little Reminders

While at home for Easter, my sister reminded me (not that I needed it) that this was a first Easter in a while that I hadn’t brought a boyfriend back with me.

While he has been on my mind quite a bit these days, I have not forgotten how great my life has been since he left. 

One Year Ago

Your journey has molded you for your greater good. And it was exactly what it needed to be. Don’t think that you’ve lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is the right time 

A year ago, I was heading in a completely different direction.

I had applied and been accepted into University of Wisconsin-Madison (as a junior). Going there I would have taken two more years to graduate. Seems like a ridiculous decision now but at the time it felt right.

I was tired of being at Pacific. My life at Pacific no longer made sense. I was bored, unsatisfied, discontent, and unhappy with my life. I needed a change.

I was in another serious relationship where I was becoming a person, I never wanted to be but was too blind to see it.

So moving to Wisconsin to get teaching certified seemed like the answer. 

I initially started looking for different schools when my partner at the time was applying to grad schools. We had talked about me applying to schools near by where we could still see each other over the weekend or something. 

When he was looking at schools in Chicago and Indiana, I found Madison. Right away I wanted to go there because they were ranked among the top in the U.S.

I looked at two other schools on the East Coast that were within 3 hours of where he could be. But when it came to submitting applications I only applied to Madison. He ended up applying there too.

He was accepted into two PhD programs. One in Washington and one in Madison. While he was debating between which school he was going to go to I told him that regardless of where he chose, if i was accepted to UW-Madison I was going to move to Wisconsin.

Anyway, why am I taking this trip down to memory lane?

New England Here I Come!

I’ve made my decision…

In a few months I will be packing up all my things and moving out to the east coast and settling down in Boston. 

Boston College you win!

It really was love at first sight!

 

My visit to BC in January. It was beautiful and we belong together.