How do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all?
I was talking with my best friend the other day. She was telling me about her newest love interest. Lately, I haven’t really cared to hear about it. She would tell me all the nice things these guys tell her and perhaps the normal response would be “awww that’s so sweet” but I just can’t do it. I just don’t buy it. I just don’t believe guys are that sincere that early and right now I’m struggling to believe those things are ever sincere. Which leads me to the point of this post–I once did have that trust in men. I did think that people could fall in love and be in love forever but that changed.
I did find love. I believed that there was someone out there for me and I found him. and then everything just fell apart and I’m worried. I’m afraid that he took my ability to believe. and I hate him for that because I always believed before…and now I just feel lost. And I am lost. I’m trying to put myself out there but I feel hopeless.
Perhaps I was young and naive. Maybe I just had bad luck and those people who do find true love are the lucky ones. I don’t believe in soul-mates, I don’t believe that love is forever. It’s not that I don’t believe in love and I am not doubting that I will love again. Again? I feel weird saying that I was in love before considering how I feel toward him (them?) now. The beginning, middle, and end all seem so different. I can’t even recall what that feeling felt like and I’m sure its better that way.
I do believe in love and that some people are able to find it. I just don’t want to find it right now.
Perhaps I will again but right now I’m okay with relationships that won’t go anywhere. I am not dating with a purpose and I don’t intend on finding anything.
**those were quotes from my favorite TV show
Filed under: Hope, Life, Moving On, Relationships, Single
