“The Porn Star”

No this post is not about porn, nudity, or sex.

I’ve accepted the fact that I will probably never right naturally funny post. (If you want interesting post go here.)

For the past year and a half I have been living the sweet single life. I loved it! It was a change for me.

Here are some post on how I dealt with and adjusted to that:

Hope Floats

Glue

Bouncing Back

While at first it was difficult. I was lonely. Luckily, I found friends who changed that. I was also able to discover things about myself and become a strong, confident, independent woman.

Eventually I became convinced that I did not want to be in a relationship even after I got to Indiana. Being in a relationship just seemed like more of a hassle than it would be worth. My reason for avoiding relationships and sticking to flings last year at Pacific was because I was leaving. There was really no point in having my emotions be involved.

I want to settle down but I need to be free
I might be afraid to fall
But I’ve still got a dream

Once I got to Indiana I realized that I did not want a relationship because I wanted to focus on school and work. I am still convinced that I would pick my career and advancement over love (or whatever you want to call it).  I would not sacrifice any of my goals or plans by being in a relationship. I was avoiding a relationship. I was just going to date so I could meet people but I was not going to be emotionally invested and I won’t really change anything from my schedule to fit someone else in.

The reason I bring those things up is because right now there is a guy in the picture. I haven’t thought of a name for him yet. And no Sara and Lindsey I will not refer to him as the Porn Star!…..Actually yes I am going to but no he is not a porn star.

So this Porn Star character came into the picture about 3 weeks ago. I met him at a bar and we’ve gone/hung out several times since then. The last time I saw him he asked if I wanted to be his girl friend. I said yes. Ever since then I’ve been regretting it. Perhaps not regretting but I think I would be more comfortable if we were still dating. It was just easier to say yes. Things haven’t changed. Its not like any relationship I have ever been in. We talk/text/chat almost everyday. He lives about 45 minutes away so he isn’t around all the time. These are all things I haven’t experienced.

I still don’t like to refer to him as my boyfriend and I won’t refer to myself as his girlfriend. Those titles might take some time getting used to. I have also not stopped talking to the other guys that I was interested in before the Porn Star came into the picture. I’m not really emotionally invested in this “relationship.” I don’t think he is either. But perhaps I am not being fair to him. Who knows I might eventually like him and enjoy being someone’s girlfriend again.