Quotes from TV shows or my hilarious friends. Take your best guess
“If you ever need someone to drink with, I’ll drink with you. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll drink with you. I guess what I’m trying to say is: I love to drink!”
We talked, we laughed, he walked me home. He was such a gentleman. He opened the door for me, I opened my shirt for him.
Flowers: poor people’s jewelry!
Women are for friendship. Men are for fucking.
Good Lord. I can’t believe I’m at a public pool. Why doesn’t somebody just pee directly on me?
I talked it over with my penis and we both agree.
It’s not something you can just run away from like a hotel bill… or a crying baby.
I know what GUILT is. It’s one of thosetouchy-feely words that people throw around that don’t really mean anything. You know, like “maternal” or “addiction”
I’ve gotta find the ladies room. It’s true what they say, you don’t buy tequila, you rent it!
She’ll juggle, she’ll spin plates, but she won’t give head.
Thats like saying Prada’s are just shoes, or vodka is just a morning beverage!
I thought about going to target. But once I looked at my shopping list I decided that an e.p.t test, hangers, and wine would give the cashier the wrong impression.
That’s the thing about friends, they will always hold your hair back when you’re sick.
“I’m not drunk, I’m sedated from my pain!”
“Married people are the enemy”
What was i going to do? Chitchat about the the weather? The man’s been inside me for god’s sake.
